HLS

HLS is an acronym I formed about 7 or 8 years ago when I foolishly fell in love with someone else whilst still in a relationship.
HEAVY LESBIAN SHIT.

Only lesbians can do HLS.
a) because they're lesbians
b) because they're heavy
c) when that happens it is usually shit.

So here's a few warning signs for HLS....

HLS is kind of like the lesbian equivalent of avian influenza. It floats about, you don't know quite how it will happen but when it does, it's DEADLY.

Ok, so things to avoid:

1) Avoid straight women you have a crush on.
a) they will never put out
b) when they do it will be terrible.

2) look out for women who aren't over their x.
a) if they casually mention what their x was like in bed, RUN FOR THE HILLS. I'm not talking snowy mountains, I'm talking tora fucking bora. Don't come back. Stock ammunitions. Join Al Queda. Killing infidels is much funner than living in the shadow of your lovers, dumb arse x girlfriend.

3) Watch out for the other acronym, AVO.
I once interviewed a young lesbian who wanted to be my roommate. She was quite pleasant until she said, me and my ex have AVOS out on each other. At first I thought, isn't that playful.... they're having an avocado fight. But then I realised. HLS. Yeah sure you can move in..... but have the front room because I want to be killed last when you EX comes round with a goddamn machete and threatens to kill you if a) you don't confess your undying love for her and b) you don't return the goddamn burnt copies of L word series 5.

4) Confessions of love in week one.
Premature confessions of lesbian love are like premature ejaculations of the straight world. You're going to end up with egg on your face. Lesbians have an awful habit of confessing love early. Avoid all talk of love until at least month 3. Any earlier than that......you know what it is..... HLS.

5) Girls who are just coming out.
Any bona fide lady from lesbos doesn't have time to jiimy the closet open for prospective lesbians. Throw 'em to the sharks I say.... and when they've been eaten ... they'll dry off, repair and finally realise they're on a one way road to lesbos. Forget rescuing them or showing them the path. They have to find it on their own and when they have you'll be there, ready and waiting.

6) Bisexuals.
Far be it for me to be biphobic. I'm not and here's why.
My ex girlfriend got married to a lovely boy. At the wedding her uncle said to me and how do you know Susie and I replied, "I use to go down on her." No HLS there Uncle Grahame.

So there are my pointers for HLS.

If the stats are right only one in ten are from lesbos.

That doesn't give us alot of time to get it right.

But if you're aware of HLS, you're likely to being a happier and healthier lesbot all round.

Don't be alarmed, just be alert.